Manny is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Manny just dates and dates. Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Manny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole mother?"
Many weeks go by and again Manny and his friend get together. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?"
Manny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes, I found one just like mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends."
"Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"
"I'm afraid not, my father can't stand her!"
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"
It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.
"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool," says Bobby.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies, politely, that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds,
"Why don't you two go out and screw, I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby. So, he asks Carrie's father to repeat it.
"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt, and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father,
"Dammit daddy! It's called the twist!!"
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
A husband was ying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.
He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.
His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"